How strong? 7% ABV
Howzit taste? Filthy, wrong, perfect. This Yorkshire brewery has teamed up with some Kentucky beer brethrens and whomped peanut butter into their ale-making process, as well as strawberry and raspberry jelly notes.
Reach for it when: You see your ex-Head Of Sixth Form who inexplicably added you on Facebook has gone on a 400-word timeline rant starting “I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but”.
How strong? 8.1%
Howzit taste? Like breakfast at your Nan’s – rich, filling, sweet and full of top-shelf spirits. This lager’s been sat in cognac, tequila and bourbon barrels for a year, meaning it’s sucked up some real dark boozy notes, as well as treacle and cocoa.
Reach for it when: Your housemate’s failed to pick up some semi-skimmed on his way home from work yet again, but you’ll be damned if you’re putting water on your Corn Pops.
How strong? 9%
Howzit taste? The technical term would be freakin’ stonking. This is your standard IPA, turned up to 11. It’s heavy, it’s hoppy, it’s oaty, and a little fruity too.
Reach for it when: The realisation sets in that the £120 a month you’re spending on a new gym membership is £120 of you sitting on a cycling machine watching episodes of Pointless and banging the side of a vending machine for Caramac bars.
How strong? 9.5%
Howzit taste? Thick, smokey, treacly coffee, thanks to the 40kg – forty keys, fam! – of Caravan’s roasted beans this stout’s brewed over.
Reach for it when: All those reports, spreadsheets and deadlines you thought would just disappear over Christmas crawl back out and oh lord oh vengeful lord why have you forsaken me.
How strong? 9.7%
Howzit taste? It’s a proper redneck mullet – lighter at the front, heavy duty at the back. You’re getting heavenly malt and toffee from the get-go, before a powerful and bitter karate chop to the gullet brings you back to the land of the living.
Reach for it when: For the 100th time today, you feel a phone vibration on your desk. You look hopefully towards yours. It’s your neighbour’s. Every. Damn. Time.
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