Mega Drive classic: Golden Axe was the reason you had thumbs like thighs as a kid. The only way to beat this tricky fantasy side-scroller was to hammer those buttons as if your little life depended on it.
If you liked it, you’ll love: Only One has all the unlockable spells, mental monsters, and continuous sword-swinging of its 27-year-old forefather. That “Thumb Freak” nickname is coming back!
Mega Drive classic: Ecco The Dolphin is up there in the “games about dolphins travelling through time to rescue family members abducted by aliens” list. Top five, maybe top three.
If you liked it, you’ll love: Ovenbreak Infinity is like a fever dream. The sort you have after you carelessly put a Sweetex in your tea post-6pm. You’re a gingerbread man, sprinting away from an oven that’s threatening to bake you to death.
Mega Drive classic: There were loads of football titles on offer but Super Kick Off was the hardest to master. You may also recall it was cripplingly expensive at £45 when released. That’s £1700 in today’s money!
If you liked it, you’ll love: Again, plenty o’ football apps to choose from, but we’re pledging our allegiance to Stickman Soccer. It’s got awesome virtual-joystick controls that recall the tireless work you put in as a kid to guarantee agonising RSI in later life.
Mega Drive classic: Streets Of Rage 2 is one of the best brawlers to enter a console. After playing, who didn’t want to rampage down the street while dressed like one of those infuriatingly optimistic people who go to pre-work “sober raves”?
If you liked it, you’ll love: Punch Quest remedies your two biggest criticisms of SoR2: one, that it didn’t last forever, and two, that there weren’t enough laser-shooting dinosaurs.
Mega Drive classic: The only way you were pulling your POWs outta trouble in Desert Strike: Return To The Gulf was with intricate military strategy. So, because you were a child and liked skipping and Toffee Crisps, you were awful at it. But the explosions and stuff were rad.
If you liked it, you’ll love: Everything in Ultimate General: Gettysburg is prodigiously detailed and gives a brain a proper workout. You’re practically Lincoln! Except he didn’t have season three of Jack Osbourne: Adrenaline Junkie on in the background while saving the Union.
Yep, we can exclusively reveal details of the secret menu at Le Bun's residency in Birthdays
Those kids can bang on our door all they want, we'll be out
Delve beyond the nine million "limited-edition pumpkin cocktails" and you'll find some first-rate stuff coming up