The situation: It’s the hottest day of the year, the air con’s busted in your carriage, and the person next to you’s somehow managed to track down the type of obnoxiously large broadsheet not seen since 1993.
The remedy: Alto’s Adventure, the super-relaxing snowboard game. It’s simple enough to master while your brain melts, and so addictive you’ll forget that you’d sell your soul for a cooling can of Tango.
The situation: Hearing the train driver’s attempts at light-hearted delay banter feels like pouring mud into your ears.
The remedy: Crack out those fancy cans and turn up the soothing electro-soul of Blood Orange’s new album Freetown Sound. While the others titter at the driver’s Compare The Meerkat impressions, these bangers will restore your faith in humanity.
The situation: “It’ll go when it goes, mate,” snarls a member of staff after you have the cheek to ask when your train, now motionless for 17 minutes, might get moving.
The remedy: Immerse yourself in the utterly gripping German novel The Collini Case. It hits the ground running with a murder confession and doesn’t let up.
The situation: Dark thoughts are gathering about the guy refusing to move down the carriage. Could a coffee cup lid really do that to a human? Here’s hoping!
The remedy: Hey, we all go a little crazy sometimes. Wanna know what going a lot crazy is like? Download Last Podcast On The Left – three comedy kings go deep inside the minds of the planet’s most bizarre and evil humans. Diverting and reassuring.
The situation: “There is a fault with the doors” announcements have been blaring out for the past 40 minutes. Oh Reaper, take me now!
The remedy: Embrace the escapism of award-bagging doc Unbranded. It’s the tale of four mates who tamed 16 wild horses and rode them from the bottom of the US to the top, through utterly jaw-dropping wild terrain.
An international festival of light
Dinner in a decommissioned 1967 underground carriage
Half-price brunch and a HUGE fried chicken burger