Young Thug’s Calling Your Name (from the Slime Season mixtape).
On which the gangly, other-worldly rapper spends five minutes burbling about how he’s going to make bail and dress “like the mayor”. There’s something admirable about the man’s dedication to out-weirding (and out-selling) his peers in a sub-culture dominated by cookie-cutter machismo.
Daisy, 24, says: “I’m not a big fan of this type of music. I’d give it a six? I like a lot more house music. The beat’s a bit slow for me. I don’t know how to dance to this kind of thing. I’ve had a lot of rum.”
We say: Two thumbs up!
Perfect by One Direction (off the forthcoming Made in the AM album).
Look, if we’d have done this last month we’d have chosen Justin Bieber’s What Do You Mean? That’s a good track. As it is we’re lumped with this, the ersatz British Dairylea to Bieber’s sexy, cutting-edge American hard cheese.
Mikey, 35, says: “This is massively overproduced, trying to tick every box to appeal to the masses. There’s no soul. I hate everything about it. Eleven, 12, 13-year-old girls, it’s speaking to them. Bring back the Bay City Rollers, man!”
We say: A hit!
Brought To The Water by Deafheaven (taken from new album New Bermuda).
An American band peddling a disorientating, critically acclaimed cocktail of banshee-in-a-wind-tunnel black metal and lush, My Bloody Valentine-like shoegaze. A bit like being shrieked at while coming round from a general anaesthetic. The singer’s a spooky chap, too.
Steph, 23, says: “Can I stop listening to this? I can’t understand what the guy’s saying. Why would you want a nine-minute track of a guy screaming at you? That’s way too long. There would never be a scenario where that would make sense. I can’t understand.”
We say: It’s a winner!
Pretty Pimpin’ from Kurt Vile’s new album B’lieve I’m Goin’ Down.
The odd kid playing with ants at the back of the indie rock playground, Kurt Vile has been honing his brand of finger-pickin’ slack’n’roll for a while now. It’s all crystalised here. A really catchy ditty about having a full-blown existential crisis while looking in the bathroom mirror.
Jason, 26, says: “I don’t like it. I get that some people would, but not me. I’m more mainstream. I listen to music and I want to move my hips. You can’t do that. I could listen to it, but I wouldn’t enjoy it.”
We say: Kurt does it again!
Sophie’s MSMSMSM from the forthcoming collection Product.
Two years ago an inscrutable dance genre called PC Music appeared and people spent months trying to work out if it was good or bad. At the end of said period no conclusions had been reached but everyone was addicted. Go on, try only listening to this track by Hannah Diamond only once. Sophie (real name: Samuel Long) was/is a leading light of the scene.
Captain Rick, “Thousands of Decades Old”, says: “You know, there’s a DJ I know who is, like, global. His name is Bad Boy Bill, and I could see him playing this. He’s been everywhere. Germany. Everywhere. I’d see him playing a track at one of the clubs he’s played. I don’t know which ones.”
*Might not literally, scientifically be the drunkest. But it sounds good in the headline.
An international festival of light
Dinner in a decommissioned 1967 underground carriage
Half-price brunch and a HUGE fried chicken burger