What is it? Oh, only the Scosche boomBOTTLE h2O (£79.96) – an unkillable Bluetooth music blaster that wirelessly connects to your phone and slides right into your bike’s water-bottle holder.
Watertight justification: “Think of the go-getter image I’d project while cycling away from the office blaring out a nu-metal playlist! Promotion incoming!”
What is it? Why, it’s the Handpresso Hybrid Pump (£88) – a portable gadget that’ll brew you a cup of sanity-saving coffee anywhere.
Watertight justification: “C’mon, the kids are three and five now, more than old enough to take the wheel while I attend to my caffeinated needs. Papa needs his coffee, and Papa’s gon’ get it!”
What is it? Oh boy, it’s a Noke (£59.99) – a deadly weapon in the war against the changing-room thief at your local gym.
Watertight justification: “It’s me! Up on the shoulders of my people, their hope, their saviour, their crime-stopping vigilante! I am hero! And I owe it all… to Noke!”
What is it? It can’t be, no, NO, not the Biolite KettleCharge (£140)! An off-grid kettle that boils you a brew and charges your iPhone? Back to hell with you, vile witch beast!
Watertight justification: “What’s the one thing I need when rabid wolves are circling my tent? A steamin’ cup of the good stuff, that’s what!”
What is it? Christ, is that… it is! Bah gawd, it’s Tile! (£19.99) The little thing you can attach to another thing so that your iPhone can tell you how far away a thing is if you’ve lost a thing!
Watertight justification: “Could’ve done with one of these last Friday on Texas Pete’s stag. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost my keys! And my trousers… And my dignity. And my wife. Oh man.”
The skinny-jeaned corpse of 2007 indie is risen and dragging its battered Converse to a venue near you