A quiet ale aboard the good ship BoreFest? Not tonight, Grandpa! It’s time to go turbo with Thames Rockets and their after-hours tour, on until mid-September. Expect special cocktails designed by London Cocktail Club. Expect a pumping playlist curated by the DJs at Oslo Hackney. Expect to be making peace with God within five minutes of that throttle opening up.
Norman Jay, the DJ awarded an MBE for his services to raising the damn roof, has commandeered a boat. That’s all you need to know. A man who was basically fist-bumped by the Queen for his party skills is cruising along the Thames, in a ship named HMS Good Times, from 1pm this Saturday. It’s impossible to not want to go to this.
Expect nostalgic references to “Ayia Napa ’97” at this chilled-out head-bobber. Boat-party vets reliving their glory days while being gently moved by Quantic’s afternoon set on August 27. Stay clear of that one guy in the bucket hat, all smiles an hour ago, now having a meltdown about his “tragic tumble into suburban hell”.
Imagine if you’d taken Streets of Rage 2 even more seriously. Pursued it as a career. Earned superstardom. Got a Time cover. REZtron’s next party, on August 26, is the life you could have had. Endless retro SEGA games, including Golden Axe and Crazy Taxi, all aboard a megayacht.
Always your stuff that gets broken at your house party isn’t it? It’s never Sarah’s Xbox that gets a mini sausage roll stuffed into it. Never Sarah’s bed that gets hilariously infested with fire ants. Protect your stuff by relocating your next rager to here – a rentable party barge for 42 people. They’ll even provide you with a captain to motor you along Regent’s Canal.
Yep, we can exclusively reveal details of the secret menu at Le Bun's residency in Birthdays
Those kids can bang on our door all they want, we'll be out
Delve beyond the nine million "limited-edition pumpkin cocktails" and you'll find some first-rate stuff coming up