Taking Batman Versus Superman Way Too Seriously

We’ve asked five of Britain's biggest comic buffs to tell us how this week's big superhero release should actually end

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Bruno Batista, manager of Big Bang Comics in Dublin, says…

“Batman is a basically a glorified athlete going up against an unstoppable demi-god, so the whole thing would be over in half a second. Batman would have to surprise a guy that can hear a pin drop on the Moon, a guy that can process actions in micro-seconds. Whatever trap Batman sets for him, Superman will see it instantly, dodge it, then knock out his enemy before he has time to blink.”

Result: Superman by god-like speed

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Lou Ryrie, assistant manager at Forbidden Planet in London, says…

“Not only has The Bat been compiling the weaknesses of everyone he meets in the DC universe, but at some point in the comics Superman actually gives him a kryptonite ring, just in case he ever turned evil. I totally get that all Superman has to do is grab Batman and fly him up to where there's no oxygen to suffocate him, or even just drop him, but ultimately Batman has the balls to dish out that killer blow when the time comes. Superman just doesn’t have it in him.”

Result: Batman by ballsiness

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Ian Edginton, comic book writer, says…

“It’s going to be a pretty one-sided, unfortunately. Batman may have some sneaky moves, but Superman would just roll right over him. Superman would win hands down. Let’s be honest, all he has to do is chargrill Batman from orbit, or throw him into outer space. There’s not a damn thing he can do about it.”

Result: Superman by intergalactic chargrilling

Ian is currently writing Batman’66 Meets The Avengers

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Chris Thompson, comics podcast host, says…

“I really want to back Superman, but history and logic suggests otherwise. This is a classic battle of brains versus brawn. Superman is the powerhouse who could lay Batman out cold in an instant, but Batman is the guy who has thought ahead and made cunning plans. Batman has used kryptonite gloves to fight him before. With that as a starting point, I think Batman's chances are greatly increased.”

Result: Batman by cunning and special gloves

Chris is the host of Orbital Comics' In Conversation podcast

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Jared Myland, owner of OK Comics in Leeds, says…

“If it came to it, obviously Superman would win. He’s literally a super man. He’d burn that miserable Goth’s head off, but I’d really like to see the two of them chasing each other through a revolving door and being strangled by their respective capes.”

Result: Superman by head burning

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Andrew Ewington, comic book writer at 451 Media, says…

“Batman would be looking to exploit Superman’s self-imposed restraint and humanity – he’s desperate to be accepted by mankind as one of their own, and in doing so adopts the same psychological vulnerabilities that could unwittingly prove to be his undoing. That said, if Superman can use all of his powers to the max, with no let up, then The Bat will have limited opportunities. It's one hell of a brutal and bloody match up."

Result: Too close to call

Superman vs Batman: Dawn Of Justice opens in the UK tomorrow