Extreme Breakfasts For Important Days

Whether you've got a big 9am meeting or a weekend hangover that needs busting, these mega plates should do the job nicely

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The Absolute Monster

Hawksmoor Guildhall, breakfast for two

A hefty cast list that’s worthy of one of those sprawling Robert Altman films that no one can follow. On top of the usual suspects like bacon, sausage and everyone’s favourite “unlimited toast”, you’ve got short-rib bubble and squeak, trotter-infused baked beans and a huge plank of bone marrow.

Extreme Breakfasts For Important Days

The Ultimate Fried One

Big Easy, fried chicken with biscuits and gravy

Make like you're about to yee-haw your way through a Trump rally with a fortifying bowl of this here Deep South classic. Perhaps send a few pro-Sanders "#FeelTheBern" tweets while eating to minimise any feelings of shame.


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The Barbecued Beast

The Jam Tree, Cowboy Breakfast

Pulled pork's Illuminati-esque control over London menus is chillingly complete – you can now get it as a breakfast thing too. Beyond the pork, this looks like a fairly standard fry-up, but note that black pudding – which, you'll recall, tastes like the inside of a Hoover bag – is shrewdly substituted for lovely sticky baby-back ribs.


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The Cheese Experience

Dirty Bones, short rib and cheese toastie

This one's only available at the weekend, so make it your reason for finally putting proper trousers on before 3pm on a Sunday. If you feel that breakfast needs a dessert, then Dirty Bones also does Toblerone-covered banana waffles on its morning menu. Soft, pliable arteries are overrated anyway.


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The Feelgood Pick

Heliot Steakhouse, USDA prime steak and pancakes

The appeal of having steak for breakfast, even if it comes with a mound of pancakes, is that it seems like the sort of virtuous thing your chest-thumping gym-sculpted pals would do after a workout. No one needs to know you'll be mainlining Rich Teas at your desk 50 minutes later.


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Words by Josh Williams