The Holiday Burger
You had no idea what that lad from sixth form was thinking, tagging you all in the prom photo with a “nahhhhh 10 years though!!” caption. It was to remind you of the irreversible effects of gravity’n’pints on your body, but at this point, who bloody cares? It’s a simple choice: a lifetime of gruel-coloured evenings at the gym or the casual embrace of the likes of this Dirty Bones feast in a bun. Venison and pork mince patty with hazelnut butter mayo, smoked bacon, caramelised shallots and red cabbage marmalade on seeded brioche.
Build Your Own
They say that variety is the spice of life. Who “they” are has never been established, but we might just find out when they start queuing outside MeatUp Grill’s new Chelsea pop-up. Expect indulgent build-your-own burgers, plus a particularly OTT Christmas number. Topped with roast turkey, bacon, pigs in blankets, stuffing, sliced Brussels sprouts and brie, it’s slathered in tangy cranberry sauce, encased in a festive red bun and held together with a candy cane, which is frankly… epic.
When does the cultural ubiquity of “brunch” start to fray against the cruel, hard-edged realities of the real world? Surely there’s only so long that a concept so knowingly metropolitan and superfluous can exist on these pinched little isles? Not if the Bad Egg dudes have anything to do about it, no siree. Just for December, they’ve got a Christmas burger of a rare breed beef patty with, yep, roast beef, horseradish and fondue. Fondue?! Yes. This is Christmas, Seventies style.
What do lower-league footballing journeymen Jon Parkin, Adebayo Akinfenwa and the artery-weakening festive burger from Cut + Grind have in common? That’s right, they all share an absurd nickname: The Beast. A turkey patty flavoured with Christmas spices (cinnamon, clove and juniper berry), joined by home-ground sausage, cranberry sauce, braised red cabbage and a festive rosti made of roast potatoes, parsnips, Brussels sprouts and carrots. Oh, and one quid out of the 13 you spend goes to food waste charity, The Felix Project.
The Iron Patty
An unholy collaboration between two bonafide legends of the meat kingdom is quite something. Patty & Bun have linked arms with Flat Iron to craft The Iron Patty, a heavyweight gut-botherer crammed with a mince beef patty, roscoff onions, fontina “goo”, dripping and truffle mayo, all topped with a brioche bun and pickled cucumbers. We haven’t felt this way since we thought we’d seen Neville Southall on the Tube.