Red Dog Saloon
Sure, some might say an overpowering need to meet every random challenge with a frantic waving of your arms and a quick scan of the room, to make sure at least 3 people are watching, is…troublesome. But we say psychology is cheap, and knocking back 12 tongue-sweatingly spicy viper chilli chicken wings in less than 10 minutes is the real path to happiness. If you’re willing to risk the chance of your face falling off to win a T-SHIRT (!), hand over £12.50 and pray to any god you want for strength. They won’t listen.
If downing chillies named after a snake that can cause cardiovascular damage, doesn’t give you warm, bedtime feelings, the wing challenge from Absurd Bird might be a good second choice. This one lacks the spicy hit, and simply requires shovelling 24 wings into your mouth with the speed of a cartoon character who may or may not drive around in a van solving mysteries. If you find the hidden Tardis in your stomach you get the £24 wings for free, a T-shirt to paint the house in, and your mug shot on the wall of fame.
It’s always reassuring when a food challenge bio tags on ‘if you throw up, you will be required to clean up!’ We did not add in that exclamation mark. The copyright-iffy Ring of Fire challenge from Rocker’s Steakhouse sets you up against 20 blistering wings, which you have to introduce to your stomach in under 10 minutes. Win, and your gurning face will loom over any uncomfortable couple sat under the Wall of Fame, your £15 bill will be torn up and eaten (last point cannot be specifically confirmed or denied) and hey, you guessed it, no more paper bag tops for you, you’ll get a brand spanking new T-shirt.
That man on the bus wearing three different leggings, and a chewing on a Nokia 3320, was right. You ARE destined for great things. But what would really hype up that acclaim? Show you’re a step away from the plebeian masses? How about taking that wing challenge to a different spot – a more ‘artistic’ zone. Alongside the lobster burgers and cocktails in light bulbs of South Woodford’s Lizard Lounge, sits a £7 challenge of 6 ‘extremely hot wings’, which, if eaten under 15 minutes, gets you pride of place on their leaderboard.
No T-shirt though.