Groundhog Day The Musical, Old Vic
Details: "Groundhog Day the musical?!" you spit. "What next? Caddyshack the VR experience? Lost In Translation the absurdist mime?" Well apart from all those being EXCELLENT ideas any self-respecting Arts Council should be honoured to fund, this one's by the same guys who did the lauded Matilda.
Don't go with: That mate of yours who was into John Cage long before it was cool/they were born.
Rotterdam, Trafalgar Studios
Details: Alice finally gets the nerve to tell her parents she's gay. But her lover Fiona now wants to identify as a guy. Can you be gay with a girl who's a guy? All sounds a bit Guardian thinkpiece but it's actually written more like an episode of Friends.
Don't go with: Anyone who might use it as a platform for a 20-minute homily on their "truly refreshing gender-neutral lifestyle".
The Plough And The Stars, National Theatre
Details: It's 100 years since the Easter Rising. The tang of nationalism's in the air. Men hunt for trouble. Women pick up the pieces. Political upheaval! Chaos! Remind you of anything? It's Brexit, it's Brexit.
Don't go with: Your purple-nosed uncle in the "If lost, return to pub" T-shirt who spent the morning of June 24 honking "that'll show 'em!"
Yerma, Young Vic
Details: Yerma really wants kids, like really wants them to the point of craziness, but it's not happening and she's not taking it well. Billie Piper is surprisingly excellent in a demanding lead role.
Don't go with: Any Tinder first date whose bio reads "looking for something lasting".
Harry Potter And The Cursed Child, Palace Theatre
Details: Harry Potter confronts real-life horrors. Private school bills! Finding time to get to the Belgravia Centre! His own kid possibly being evil incarnate!
Don't go with: Anyone. Guilty pleasure, isn't it. Do you tell your ex about the tearful hours you spend on her Instagram? Oh, you do? Well yeah maybe she will find it sweet, yeah it's definitely possible, anyway yeah see you around.
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