For a filthy face
Described as ‘a cleanser that instantly washes dirt away’ which, yeah, is pretty much what you want, need and expect from a cleanser. It’s full of love as well, washing filth from all skin types without drying or oiling up your T-zone. Animo acids give you a good cleanse without stripping away everything you hold dear, and grapefruit extract acts as a natural, purifying astringent and packs a nice, fruity scent. Grapefruits are great aren’t they? Who knew?
For a good scrub
If you’re washed, dried, pampered to the extreme, and still feeling dirty, the answer, of course, is pumice. Pumice all over your face. Dove’s deep clean scrub is a handy one, providing gentle, un-reminiscent of sandpaper, exfoliation with, yes, pumice. Natural pumice. Through a combination of carefully balanced ingredients, and maybe a few uni-student test subjects, this manages to cleanse and exfoliate without stripping your skin of moisture.
For the morning rush
You’re a busy person. While Brenden from accounting has his whole smorgasbord skin care routine down to a tee, you’re still in the tub washing your face with Lynx shower gel and already late for the 06:31 from Bat and Ball. No more friend. Spritz on this chamomile, aloe vera, cucumber, green tea (yeah we’re still going) and vitamin A, C & E packed spray, for instant hydration and toning. Also helps reduce blemishes, soothe skin, and even does a bit of exfoliating. Smashing.
For a soft (macho) face
You might think this is a moisturiser, but no sir, this here is a face reviver. Re-vi-ver. No woman stuff here. It’s also in a green pot and called Neville, which is a boy’s name, so it’s all man. Unfortunately, it has got vitamin A and E and a nice helping of aloe vera, which softens and freshens your skin, protects it against environmental damage and is free from parabens and sulphates, and that’s pretty girly. But did we mention how it’s called Neville?
For destroying stubble
Easy, to stare blankly into the bathroom mirror, one side of face a smooth, cherubic vision, the other a wild tangle of face fuzz. But with six blades, a non-slip handle and a vitamin E moisturising strip you’re on your way to fresh faced perfection. No razor burns, no nicks, no five o’clock shadow by the end of the afternoon. Those days are over, friend. Over and done.
For after shaving soothing
Those little red bumps hovering just under your grandiose handlebar, a nightmare of epic proportions. The remedy? Shea butter, bisabolol, and extract of birch sap soothes and moisturises, melting quickly into the skin and preventing irritation and that uncomfortable sting. Slap it on, breathe in that nice lavender niff, and do your best ‘dad sitting in an armchair after pruning the hedge’ sigh. Ahh, that’s better.
For Viking beards
Yep, you can wash your beard. Never thought you’d be spending your Friday nights giving your ol’ mutton chops the 5-star treatment, but here we are. Aloe vera, camelina oil and green tea soften and cleanse, and give you a woo-worthy WholeFoods allure. Add it to your shower routine or hang over the sink in the office kitchen. Social Media Manager already thinks you’re a nut. Can you also use it on your wispy mop top though? We…don’t know.
For days when you smell
So sure, you’re happy with that ‘stimulating’ close to glowing green shower gel you nabbed from Poundland, but classing it up with Eucalyptus, invigorating peppermint and coconut concoction has got to be better than a toxic waste lookalike. This promises to wake you up with natural oils and a refreshing aroma, but without causing that friendly bonus of burning eyes and mysterious rashes. Life is good, sometimes.
For days when your hair smells
Sometimes live throws us curve balls. Your uncle revealing a secret family in Mosco. Your hilarious tube conversation not appearing on overheardlondon. Wheat proteins in your shampoo. You just have to roll with the punches son. The sound of Quince & Oakmoss shampoo might have you reaching for the nearest two in one on the shelf, but this is good stuff. Aloe vera and oat extract adds shine and body, wheat proteins strengthen hair fibres and the whole things great at soothing sensitive scalps.
For sandpaper hands
Lot of hydration in this tiny tube, so much so that it’s actually won a damn award. And HR were bloody chuffed with your colour co-ordinated timesheet– you deserve award-winning hand cream. With hydrating hydraulic acid, ceramides and shea butter, and a clean aquatic scent (more ocean breeze, less fish) it’s easy to treat your mits at opportune moments – on the home, at work, just before you send that Grammary corrected complaint to Southern Rail. Hoo boy, these hands go through some heavy stuff.