The Time-Traveller: Time Run (E8)
What are you escaping from? Time. And a bunch of evils patrolling the past and future who’ll do anything to stop you leaping back and forward through time to find a dangerous artefact with the power to make a massive bad thing happen.
How difficult does it sound? On the grand scale of time-travelling touch points, this 60-minute toughy sits somewhere between grappling with Einstein’s Theory of Relativity (hard!) and sitting through Ashton Kutcher’s The Butterfly Effect (impossible!).
The Gory One: Enigma Escape (N7)
What are you escaping from? The cinema! You’ve trotted down to the flickhouse to catch the premiere of a gruesome movie called The Killer, only to discover you’re the only one there. And that’s not even the scariest part, pal. Just you wait for the gory plot to unfold... in real life!
How difficult does it sound? On a par with escaping the concerned looks of the popcorn guy, who’s caught onto your "buy two Pepsis so he thinks I'm not here alone... again" ploy
The Prison Break: Omescape London (N1)
What are you escaping from? The Chokey. The Slammer. Uncle Monty’s Frown Factory. (Prison.) For what we assume is recompense for your "you’ll never catch me" attitude to the Student Loan Repayments Police, you’ve been chucked in a cell and have to bust yo’ ass out with the help of your fellow jail-buds.
How difficult does it sound? Hardest part, no doubt, will be resisting the urge to strangle the peckerhead who enters every brain-teaser with the words “Guys, listen up, if I know season one of Prison Break, and trust me, I really do…”
The Hostage Situation: Do Stuff (SW11)
What are you escaping from? A female changing room inside a shopping centre. How you’ve managed to do it again, we’ll never know. But this time there’s a hostage situation thrown into the mix, and you’re the badass the captives have been praying for. G’wan, son! Get ‘em out alive!
How difficult does it sound? A head-scratcher, sure, but the promise of a £10 burger-booze deal in The Grove, the Battersea pub right above the venue, is all the inspiration any hero needs.
The Wartime Prison: Escape Plan (SE17)
What are you escaping from? Nazis have imprisoned you in a POW camp. Grrrr fist shake! Armed with the journal of a successful escapee, you must gather enough intel and sneak around all the cool wartime paraphernalia to break outta there.
How difficult does it sound? Hard to deal with the realisation that you, a man of 2016, are infinitely inferior to your grandpappy’s generation, who dealt with s*it like this with iron-chested bravery, not shock-face emojis on WhatsApp.
The five most eye-wateringly beautiful Pret-a-Mangers in Zone One
There are 850 branches of Pret A Manger in central London. Each is exquisite. But as with diamonds, some will always glint more pleasingly than others...
Things restaurants absolutely need to stop doing this year
There are restaurant foibles that we wouldn't mind throwing headfirst out of the window
Welcome... to DumplingQuest!
Who actually sells the best dumplings in China Town? We went there and ate a billion of the things to find out
Crossing the streams
Being able to access all the music ever recorded in the world at all times is a basic human right. But which streaming service should you be chucking your money
The five wittiest diss tracks in rap history
With the tepid Drake/Meek Mill war showing no signs of letting up, it's good to remember that not all hip hop feuds have to be so dunderheaded